Throwing a house party is a rite of passage for every college student. During your college years, you don’t even need an excuse, because being in college is reason enough. But for your and your housemates’ sake, maybe just throw one and let your friends throw the rest. Here are the inevitable stages of every college house party…

The Prep

Texting your mates to make sure you won’t be sitting home alone. Warning your neighbours that things might get noisy, maybe invite them too? Unless they are horrible buzzkills or have plans. Purchase alcohol but tell your friends to bring their own too, you’re not a charity organization. Besides, you’re gearing yourself up for an epic night.

Getting Ready

Not just your own beautiful self, but making sure all your valuables are out of the way too. It’s not like you have that much to protect anyway, the place is an absolute mess. At least do the dishes and make sure people have glasses for their drinks. Then wash yourself and put on some clean clothes. Maybe even attempt a hairstyle?

The First Arrivals

There’s no way to skip this, not unless everyone tries to arrive together. It’s always going to be awkward and uncomfortable and the first person to arrive will be someone you don’t really know, so you have to make sober small-talk. The minutes will drag and you’ll keep checking the time to see when everyone else arrives… awkward.

Everyone’s Here, Party Time!

The music is playing, the drink is flowing, there’s a nice vibe but no one is super-messy or anything. There might be a bit of dancing and maybe even some food going around – you’re such an organized student. This is the golden stage, enjoy it before someone suggests the next step…

Drinking Games

Whatever it is, it will be a good time, but everyone is going to be absolutely plastered afterwards. Depending on the game – Kings, Never Have I Ever, etc. – friendships can be made or broken, stuff can come out that wasn’t meant to and someone is going to neck a bottle of vodka, projectile vomit and pass out. It’s definitely one of the more interesting parts of the night…

Club Time

Arguably the worst part of the night, and it’s only halfway through. This is when everyone starts debating about where to go, ultimately dividing the group. This is the part of the night when the ‘sensible’ friends will slip off home, to avoid an epic hangover the next day. You’ll go out, do shots, break out some dance moves and, after indulging in the obligatory junk food haul at the end of night, finally stagger back to your place (with or without arm candy) to wade through the party-filth between you and your bed.

The Next Day

Your neurotic housemate wakes you up, yells at you for making such a mess and makes you (and your overnight guest) get up and clean. Or – best case scenario – they clean it for you and leave a passive aggressive note on your fridge… Happy Days! So, same again next week?